5 Tips for Better Co-parent Communications

2024/03/12

As a child of divorce, I know there is nothing more heartwarming than when your parents can get along and co-parent well. No, you do not need to be besties with your ex. However, you owe it to your children to strive toward more cordial and respectful communications. Here are some tips: Use “please” and “thank you” It may sound silly, but using these simple words is a great start toward more respectful communication. Once I have clients start using these words in all of their communications, they often improve their overall communication style. Clients often tell me that their ex writes terrible emails or texts. That is not an excuse to write terrible messages back. Rather, it is an opportunity to lead by example. Do not lecture or brow beat You should communicate with your ex to gather and convey information, not to teach lessons. Be real, when was the last time your ex took one of your lectures to heart? Instead of “How many times do I need to remind you not to pack junk food in Billy’s lunch,” try “At the store, Billy picked out some low-fat yogurt cups and trail mix to bring with his lunch. It is such a relief that he found a healthy snack he likes. Let me know if you have any other ideas.” Read your old messages When you want to improve communication, a good place to start is to review your old messages. Ask yourself, are you proud of what you wrote? Was the tone, appropriate?  Would you be proud if your children found a copy of them when they get older? If your answer was not “yes” to these three questions, think about how you can improve your communication. Take your emotion out of it Treat communication with your ex like a business transaction. Read More

Mediation and Other ADR Methods Help Divorce Litigants Circumvent Costs and Delays

2024/02/22

When I practiced family law in Georgia for 12 years, mediation or other forms of alternative dispute resolution were ordered in every case. Indeed, no judge would hear any nonemergency matter without litigants jumping through this required hoop. The courts scheduled multiple cases to be heard at the same time. While one case was being heard, the parties for the other cases were meeting with mediators. Imagine my surprise when I started practicing family law in Pennsylvania, where court-ordered mediations, especially for equitable distribution, are rare. Instead, cases are conciliated, usually with the very judge who would be hearing the case. Conciliations are an effective means of settling family cases. Indeed, a strong opinion from the trier of fact can sway even the most stubborn party at times. Many divorcing couples, however, do not want to ever see the inside of a courthouse. They do not want to engage in expensive and sometimes excessive discovery, file Inventories, and wait months for each step in the process to occur. This is where private mediation comes in. I spend the vast majority of time on litigation cases because litigation is time consuming. However, I am seeing more and more couples coming to me to mediate their cases. They tend to be knowledgeable about their finances and eager to resolve their divorce cases quickly and relatively amicably. I say relatively because couples who want to mediate are not without their hurt feelings, disappointments and communication issues. That is where the mediator comes in. Mediation is not about holding hands and singing kumbaya. It is about working through differences and disputes while checking the negative feelings at the door. To do this effectively, I insist that I first meet with each party separately. These meetings usually occur virtually. Some couples balk at this requirement, not wanting to pay for the extra time as unnecessary. Read More

Will Your Valentine’s Day Engagement Mean a Prenup in Your Future?

2024/02/16

For divorce lawyers, Valentine’s Day means two things: engagements and prenuptial agreements.  While others are throwing away wilted roses and finishing off the last few chocolates from heart shaped boxes, divorce attorneys are fielding calls about prenuptial agreements. As I discussed in “Getting Married? Four Reasons Why You Need a Prenuptial Agreement,” here are four reasons you need a prenuptial agreement before you exchange your vows: You want to simplify your divorce (if you ever need one); You want to protect your business; You want to protect your home, retirement and other assets; and You want to protect your children’s inheritance in the event of your death. While I am not suggesting you ask for a prenuptial agreement on Valentine’s Day, it is never too early to start thinking about whether you need one and what you want to protect. It is no fun to be doing last minute wedding planning and negotiating a prenuptial agreement at the same time. Get it done so you can focus on the fun stuff: the wedding, honeymoon and the marriage! If you are interested in finding out whether you need a prenuptial agreement, contact us to get started. Read More

Succession Planning: Prenups and Postnups as Divorce and Estate Planning Tools

2024/02/14

A recent meeting regarding succession planning with an owner of a closely held business resulted in a surprise twist in the conversation: his daughter, who the business owner intended to take over his role and ownership interest, had accepted a marriage proposal. Worse, she planned to tie the knot on Valentine’s Day, less than a month away. The business owner further revealed that he was chagrined; he felt that his future son-in-law was a charlatan and perhaps the marriage was an artifice toward undeserved wealth. As such, the business owner was considering other options, such as looking outside the family for a new CEO, placing title to the company in some form of trust, or calling his “guy” in the city to “take care of it.” He had not thought of a prenuptial agreement for his daughter and was pleased to hear that prenuptial (and postnuptial) agreements are not simply tools to resolve disputes in divorce, but that these instruments can play leading roles in estate and succession planning, as well. Indeed, common misconceptions aside, prenups are for everyone, and they are an essential tool for any couple contemplating marriage, regardless of their age or financial station in life. We have multiple estate planning tools to handle and manage financial concerns at the late stages of life. Most people know, at least generally, about the need to save for retirement, the need for life insurance, the availability of Social Security and related benefits, and about the need for a will. Similarly, most people don’t talk about these items when they get married (especially when the marriage is precipitous!)—but they absolutely do when they get divorced, and at that point it is often too late to avoid multiple messes. Prenups, in essence, are financial planning tools—a roadmap for how marrying couples will organize not only their finances but also their estate plans—on the front end of their lives, or at least on the front end of their marital relationships. Read More

Pennsylvania Supreme Court Appoints Kenneth J. Horoho, Jr. Vice-Chair of the Domestic Relations Procedural Rules Committee

2024/02/07

Kenneth J. Horoho, Jr., partner and chair of the Family Law Practice Group at Pietragallo Gordon Alfano Bosick & Raspanti, LLP and former Pennsylvania Bar Association President, has been appointed by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court as Vice-Chair of its Domestic Relations Procedural Rules Committee. Ken’s Vice-Chair term on the committee began February 1, 2024. The Domestic Relations Procedural Rules Committee advises and assists the Supreme Court on matters related to the practice of family law in Pennsylvania including procedural rules related to divorce, support, custody, paternity, and protection from abuse. The primary goal of the committee is to simplify family law practice by recommending new rules or amendments to existing procedural rules relating to family law matters. This latest appointment is yet another leadership assignment for Ken in state, local, and national bar association organizations. In addition to serving as the 112th President of the Pennsylvania Bar Association in 2006, he has been elected and appointed to numerous PBA committees, task forces and special projects throughout his distinguished career. Ken also served for 12 years on the Allegheny County Bar Association’s Board of Governors and was Chairperson of its Family Law and Young Lawyer Sections. In 2009, he was appointed by Supreme Court Chief Justice Ron Castille to the Interbranch Commission on Juvenile Justice; a special panel created by Governor Edward Rendell and the Pennsylvania General Assembly to investigate the causes of one of the most extraordinary cases of judicial corruption in state history. Ken served as a member of the Board of Trustees at Saint Francis University from 2010 to 2022. He is also a member of the Thomas R. Kline Duquesne University School of Law Dean’s Advisory Board and most recently was appointed to the Neighborhood Legal Services Board of Directors. In addition, Ken served 13 years as an adjunct professor on the faculty of the University of Pittsburgh School of Law where he taught Advanced Family Law Trial Advocacy. Read More

Considering Divorce? Consider Mediation

2024/01/29

Pietragallo partner Carla Schiff Donnelly was trained in mediation years ago and has participated in more than 100 mediations. Mediation is one of the best tools to resolve a family law matter. She recently took a refresher course for mediators to further hone her skills and learn more techniques to help couples navigate their family law issues. Here are  some of the advantages to mediation that Carla has learned: Lower Cost Although she recommends that both parties consult lawyers, mediation is far more economical than having the court resolve your issues. As a litigator, she knows how expensive court time can be. Just a simple status conference can cost hours of attorney time for both parties. You need to prepare for the conference, get there early, often wait because the court is running behind, and then travel back to the office. Even if the lawyers participate in the mediation, you are still saving time and money. Control the Outcome If you go to court, a stranger will be deciding where your children will live and how much money you will receive. You may win on issues you care less about and lose on what is most important to you. Better Outcomes The court will divide your money and children with the equivalent of a meat cleaver. Mediation gives you the opportunity to divide money and time with your children with the precision of a scalpel. Sometimes what works best for you and your family is not what a court will order. Confidentiality Mediation is a confidential process. Court is not confidential. Do you want your dirty laundry aired out at the courthouse? Compliance If you enter into an agreement voluntarily, you are more likely to adhere to it than you are with court-imposed resolutions. That means your ex is more likely to comply too. Read More

Is Divorce Your New Year’s Resolution?

2024/01/11

Divorce attorneys see an uptick in new client calls come January each year. Some bide their time in order to get through the holidays for the sake of the children. For others, the stress of the holidays can cause the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Many, however, see a new year as time to leave behind what makes them unhappy, be it bad habits or an unhappy (or abusive) marriage. That is where the New Year’s Resolution comes in. As a divorce lawyer for many years, I am often asked if I recommend marriage counseling to my clients. My answer is yes, if it indicated. Unfortunately, the times I have recommended marriage counseling are few and far between. That is because of all the time and contemplation that goes into making the call to a divorce attorney in the first place. By the time a client comes in to see their lawyer, they have often been unhappy for a long time and their marriage is beyond repair. Ambivalence and fear prevent people from coming to us sooner. New Year’s Resolutions can be the push they need to make the call. The “funny” thing is, once the client comes in, they often regret not coming in sooner. Their questions are answered and the process is less daunting and mysterious. As we get up from the conference room table it is not unusual to hear “I feel so much better than I did when I got here.” The Next Chapter If your resolution is to leave your marriage, contact us to set up a plan to get started. Also, you may find helpful to read about what to expect at an initial consultation. In the meantime, if you are not familiar with your finances, this may be a good time to look around for tax returns, pay stubs and other documents that may help you get a clearer picture. Read More

What to Expect at an Initial Consultation with a Divorce Attorney

2024/01/12

Your initial consultation with an attorney is your time, especially if you are paying for it. The goal of an initial consultation is to have the client leave with all of their questions answered and a game plan for moving forward in the short term. Getting Started We start by asking some introductory questions so that we can understand what prompted you to seek legal counsel and to determine what issues need to be addressed first. After we gather enough basic facts, we then give you a “lay of the land” in terms where the law fits in with your situation. We then try to come up with a short-term game plan and address your questions. It is not unusual for clients to have no or little information about their finances. That is okay. You probably know more than you think. We also have various ways that we can gather that information for you over the course of your case. What to Bring As far as what to bring, there is no set list. Most of the time, it is okay not to bring anything. The exception would be if you have been served with papers. In that event, it is a good idea to bring those papers with you. Some clients bring tax returns, pay stubs, bank account statements and other documents that are concerning to them. Certainly, the more documents you bring the more specific feedback your attorney can provide. Bring anything with you that you want us to look at, and feel free to bring a friend or relative for moral support. Fee arrangements At the end of the consultation, we will discuss a fee arrangement should you decide to retain our services. A question we are asked frequently is why are our consultations not free. There are a few reasons.  Read More

New Year Resolutions: Best Practices for Our Clients

2023/12/20

Year-end and the beginning of the New Year are good times to check in on your family law matters. Myriad events might be triggered as the calendar switches over. A little pre-planning can avoid unpleasant surprises or unnecessary emergencies later. We like to remind our clients of a few things, including: Save and send us your December 31 pay stubs and your Forms W-2 and 1099. Parties are required to report to the Domestic Relations Office any material changes in circumstances with their incomes. Failure to report these changes can result in sanctions at a future support hearing, depending on the impact of these changes on existing support orders. Assemble and send us documentation of joint expenditures you and the other parent might share, such as: unreimbursed medical expenses; tuition and other related academic fees; activity fees and related expenses. If we need to seek reimbursement for medical expenses, we must do so and provide the documentation before March 31. Though there is no similar rule for other shared expenses, your agreement or order might direct those arrangements. If your divorce case is still pending, please send us year-end statements from retirement, bank, and investment accounts, especially if they reflect the full year’s activity. This will help us keep up to date on the components of the marital estate. Consider or confirm what your tax filing status will be, especially if you will still be married by December 31. Some agreements or court orders may direct parties’ filing status or the child tax credit. Check in with your accountant to explain these matters with you. Determine whether alimony terminates or otherwise changes as the calendar turns. We may need to obtain an order to change a wage attachment, or we may need to notify the other party’s counsel. Check in on your custody orders – does the New Year direct changes in the holiday or vacation provisions? Read More

5 Christmas Survival Tips for Divorcing Parents

2023/12/06

Divorce and custody issues can make Christmas and other holidays stressful for parents. Children are very perceptive and will feel your stress. Here are some ways to lower your stress and survive the holidays: Focus on new traditions. Christmas will never be the same as it was when you were married. Maybe that is a good thing. As I talked about in my Halloween post, focus on your favorite traditions and cut out the ones you went along with for your spouse. So, if you hated spending the day traveling to visit family members, skip it this year. Instead, do something you enjoy like spending the whole day baking cookies, sipping eggnog and listening to Christmas music. Never liked that fake tree, go cut down a real one. Decide if you can handle spending some of the time together. Sometimes, even in contentious divorces, parents decide to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together. If you can make it about the children and not be tense, have it. If you have doubts that one or both of you will behave, it is best to divide the time. Figure out the schedule ahead of time. Do not wait until Christmas Eve to decide who gets the kids when. If you both want Christmas Eve, try to figure out a compromise such as alternating who gets Christmas Eve each year. You can also work in other holidays. For example, you can agree that if you get Christmas Eve, your spouse gets Christmas Day and/or Easter Sunday. Be flexible, your children will thank you. Coordinate gifts. It is not fair to your children if you both buy them the same thing. Worse yet, focusing on topping the other parent takes the spirit out of the holiday. Talk to your kids, appropriately. Open and honest communication with children is best. Read More